Discover the beauty of shades of gray....

“Your friend who went to the same tuition just like you and went to the same school has scored 3 ‘A’s but you… you have scored low…. You are a failure…. I am ashamed of you!!!” This is an often heard conversation in our day today life….In today’s society its like people are in a race… in this race it’s more often seen people compare one person to other, one thing to another thing…. They only see in extremes; according to the way they think everything is black or white noting in between…. This style of thinking is considered as Black and white thinking! Black and white thinking is one of the horrible ways of thinking which aggravate major troubles in a person's life!

Black and White thinking......... What is it my friends?

"Always" and "never" polar opposite words, tend to characterize the vocabulary of black and white thinkers. If things aren't "perfect," then they must be "horrible." If it isn't "brilliant" then it must be "stupid." If a person is not "fascinating" then must be "boring." This is a miserable way of thinking. Black and white Thinking is dependent upon such words as always and never..... In real-life, situations are almost always shades of gray, not black or white.

Life is not totally fantastic or totally catastrophic; it has both good and bad... Some people think in absolutes. When people tend to see only one extreme or the other; we call it Black and White thinking, All-or-Nothing Thinking, Dichotomous or Polarized...According to this thinking people see either good or bad; there is nothing in between, no shades of gray, and no middle ground... To see the world in black and white is to live within the contours of extremism. This outlook neatly divides the world into right versus wrong, good versus evil, and yes versus no.

Black and white thinking makes Fight or Flight Response in humans. Falling victim to black and white thinking tends to exacerbate depression, marital conflict, anxiety, and a host of other everyday problems. This is because this thinking pattern is part of the most primitive of human responses. For the reason that all or nothing thinking is emotionally arousing, it causes over-dreaming and maintains depression.

Though it is still needed in the world today.........

When people judge them, others or the situation based on extremes, without seeing in between it lead them to get negative feelings very easily. It may be frustration, anger or anxiety because they are in confusion of categorizing others to good or bad.

When small children are learning to use words and organize their thoughts, it is normal and expected for them to see and express their world in very black and white terms. When a young child feels they are not loved, they feel they must be hated. When a child feels his or her parents don't pay enough attention to them, that child will say, "You never pay attention to me." It is primitive thinking.

Regrettably, under the pressure, today even adults often regress to primitive thinking. Adults are most prone to regressing to primitive thinking when they are having a hard time and feel overwhelmed by their own emotions. This leads to conceal their mature functioning and thinking to immature ways of functioning and thinking. For that one moment, when the adult starts relying on the words "always" or "never," and seeing the world in black and white terms, they are slipping back to the way they saw the world as a child.

That is how Black and white thinking is one of the cognitive distortions that create many problems for people. Simply if a person think things as black and white even after they are grown they lead to numerous troubles as mentioned above.

So black and white thinking has two distinct sides again good and bad.....

In times of crisis, the black and white world view is looked upon as strength and courage to the casual observer. When we are in an urgent situation we should have the power to think on foot. There is no time for 'maybe this', or 'maybe that’. We must make a snap decision and act on it. Either decision will create an emotional reaction to allow us to fight or flee to the maximum of our ability. That’s why I said above “Though black and white thinking is still needed in the world today...”

For a healthy emotional life, it's not more extreme happiness we need, but balanced emotions learning not to always think in 'all or nothing' terms but to see shades of gray is immensely helpful in tackling this situation. It greatly reduces, or stops the emotionally-arousing thoughts that are necessary to maintain the depressed state. People should see that things are not always black or not always white there is gray in between...

So my dear friends make you and people around you, the people you love discover the beauty of shades of gray. Things are not always black or white; See the gray in between…

Note:” There is no black and white thinking.. You are mistaken with black box white box testing.. “That’s how the talk began and finally my friend asked me to write about it if it exists... So here I am sorry for the delay Dhanu....